As Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation said at D.C. Rally Fest 2010 last month (Part I and Part II), we can all apply our unique skills to parental alienation advocacy. “If you can write, write about parental alienation. If you can sell, sell the idea that parental alienation is a problem that needs fixing. If you design buildings or corporate strategies, apply the same problem solving skills you use at work to parental alienation,” Jeffries said. ”The key to becoming an effective advocate is to move past your personal pain and approach parental alienation advocacy work objectively,” he added.

Even if you are not a writer, salesperson, engineer or corporate strategist, you can help raise awareness of parental alienation by sharing A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, or any parental alienation book, with others. For example, you can:

Give a book to a friend, even a stranger, as a gift.

Ask your local library to order a book.

If you have a web site or blog, consider writing something about a book you’ve read, and how the book helped you.

Write a book review for your local paper or favorite web site. Ask your favorite radio show to book the author as a guest.

If you own a shop or business, consider putting a display of books on your counter to resell to customers.

Buy books and donate them to homeless shelters, prisons, rehabilitation and group homes.

If you are a pursuing a degree in psychology, counseling, social work or any mental health field, ask your professors to incorporate parental alienation into their course overviews and put parental alienation books on their reading lists.

Sometimes, the best idea is so obvious you have to laugh. A targeted parent once called us desperate to educate the public about parental alienation. He was very passionate about doing something, but he rejected each idea we suggested. Finally, out of ideas, we changed the subject. 

“What do you do for a living,” we asked?

“I’m a movie producer,” he responded.

One of the jokes in our family revolves around my Dad and his encyclopedia-like knowledge of roads, highways and mileage. No matter where I’ve traveled, Dad asks about the route. More often than not, he tells me I could have taken a shorter, faster, safer, more scenic route– complete with a list of the fast food restaurants and tourist attractions I would have passed along the way. The fact that Dad may have never been within 500 miles of my destination doesn’t matter.

It isn’t often a son gets to stand where presidents have addressed millions and deliver a speech, but I recently did just that at the 2010 Family Preservation Festival in Washington D.C. On the day I spoke about surviving parental alienation the temperature was approximately 115 degrees. Festival participants were more interested in surviving the heat so attendance was sparse. That’s okay. I had the U.S. Capital behind me and the Washington Monument in front of me. I started my speech with an inside joke to Dad and the rest of the family. Only about one dozen people in the world would have understood it, until now.

To hear my little family joke and how I’ve survived parental alienation please click on the links below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc9XTQw582g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfGmE_o2EFo

Every January 19th we’re asked to celebrate National Popcorn Day. April 16th is set aside for Stress Awareness Day. Mother Goose has her own day on May 1st. Even catfish, thanks to a proclamation signed by catfish-loving President Ronald Reagan in 1987, get June 25th to call their own.

At A Family’s Heartbreak we love popcorn, we’re opposed to stress of any kind, and we would never say a bad word about Mother Goose. We don’t even mind catfish having their own day, even though we’re more partial to salmon. I’m sure if we would have budgeted more than five minutes for research we would have discovered that there is a National Salmon Day too.

However there is one day that deserves to stand apart from days acknowledging snack foods, nursery rhymes and fresh water fish. Parental Alienation Awareness Day is April 25. This is the fifth consecutive year that parents, friends and family members will gather on April 25 and bring attention to parental alienation — a destructive family dynamic that is destroying countless loving, parent/child relationships all over the world.  On April 25 from Boston to Brazil, London to Los Angeles, and Singapore to Sydney, people will light candles, blow bubbles and share their heartbreaking stories — all to educate elected officials, legal and mental health professionals about a mental health issue that should not be ignored or mischaracterized any longer.

Contrary to what many damaged people and zealous advocates on the web would have you believe, parental alienation is not another name for pedophilia. Parental alienation is also not a legal strategy designed to allow an abusive parent to continue beating up on the kids. Finally, parental alienation is not the latest get-rich-quick-scheme from consultants and authors who are often accused of trying make money off the backs of people who are at their most financially vulnerable. 

Parental alienation is the unhealthy byproduct of one parent’s fear of abandonment. These fears often date back to childhood. When a parent with these fears faces divorce or separation they need a child to take over for the exiting spouse or partner and keep those abandonment fears away. The parent pulls the child into the adult conflict and makes his or her fears the child’s fears. It doesn’t take long for a child, looking for security in a world where his or her parents are no longer working together to take care of the child’s needs, to form a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship with the alienating parent. There is little room for the previously-loved other parent in the child’s new world. 

At its core, parental alienation is about the alienating parent and child’s fears, and the child’s loyalty to the alienating parent. That reminds me, Loyalty Day is also May 1st.

A Family’s Heartbreak, LLC includes an ACA member so we had the opportunity to submit a statement arguing for the inclusion of parental alienation in the DSM-5. Here is an edited version of our submission:

“It is both critical and appropriate for parental alienation to be included in the next edition of the DSM as an adjustment disorder.

The DSM is full of adjustment disorders. We consider a parent, dealing with the stress, emotions and long-term uncertainty of divorce or separation, as having an adjustment issue if the parent takes the emotionally damaging and unhealthy steps of not only allowing a child into the adult conflict but making the child responsible for his or her emotional well-being at the expense of the other parent, and the child’s long-term, normal, emotional growth and development. In addition, it is illogical that the DSM already includes descriptions of unhealthy attachment disorders, but has so far omitted the proverbial flip side of the same coin. If an unhealthy attachment to a parent constitutes a valid diagnosis in the DSM, how can an unhealthy aversion to a parent also not be considered worthy of inclusion in the mental health profession’s definitive guide?

The reasons for omitting parental alienation from the DSM should not be political. Parental alienation is not a legal issue, and therefore the DSM Review Board should turn a deaf ear to parental alienation critics and special interest groups who include parental alienation into broader shared parenting, child support or domestic violence agendas. Parental alienation is a mental health issue — plain and simple. Countless parents, children and extended family members will continue to suffer the long-term mental and emotional consequences of parental alienation until professionals are able to diagnose alienation and help others address its harmful effects.”

More than 60 international experts — academics, authors and mental health professionals — recently submitted a proposal to include parental alienation in the DSM-V. Many groups and individuals are working diligently to make the DSM Task Force aware of the huge number of parents and children currently struggling with the emotional heartbreak of parental alienation. It is also vitally important that all ACA members lobby their organization to include parental alienation in the next edition of the DSM.

Including any new diagnosis in the DSM is a long, complex, and some say, political, process. However including parental alienation in the DSM as an Adjustment Disorder should not be difficult. While special interest groups with their own agendas are fighting to keep parental alienation out of the DSM, mental health professionals see Adjustment Disorders related to depression and anxiety all the time. Why is it so hard to believe that a parent with unresolved emotional issues, going through the strain and emotional upheaval of a divorce or separation (the adjustment issue), could put his or her unhealthy emotional needs above the needs of his or her child? Further, why is it so hard to believe that these unhealthy needs might somehow damage, and in some cases destroy, the child’s relationship with the child’s other parent? And finally, why is it so hard to believe that the targeted parent might actually object to these events and turn to mental health professionals to help address an issue that has its roots in mental and emotional health?  

The deadline for ACA members to provide feedback is March 22, 2010. The member’s ACA ID number is required with the submission. ID numbers can be found on the back of the Journal of Counseling and Development, or on the ACA website after logging in or contacting member services. To contribute, go to http://www.counseling.org/dsm/comments.html.

Please write to the following individuals and encourage them to include parental alienation in DSM-V:

David J. Kupfer, M.D.  Dr. Kupfer is chair of the DSM-V Task Force.  His address is: Western Psychiatric Institute, 3811 O’Hara Street, Pittsburgh, PA  15213.

Darrel A. Regier, M.D. Dr. Regier is vice-chair of the DSM-V Task Force.  His address is: American Psychiatric Association, 1000 Wilson Blvd., Suite 1825, Arlington, VA  22209-3901.

Daniel S. Pine, M.D. D. Dr. Pine is chair of the DSM-V Disorders in Childhood and Adolescence Work Group.  His address is: NIMH, 15K North Drive, MSC 2670, Bethesda, MD 20892-2670.

Principal author of Parental Alienation, DSM-V, and ICD-11 are: William Bernet, M.D.  Contributing authors: José M. Aguilar, Ph.D. (Spain), Katherine Andre, Ph.D., Mila Arch Marin, Ph.D. (Spain), Eduard Bakalář, C.Sc. (Czech Republic), Amy J. L. Baker, Ph.D., Paul Bensussan, M.D. (France), Alice C. Bernet, M.S.N., Kristin Bernet, M.L.I.S., Barry S. Bien, L.L.B., Wilfrid von Boch-Galhau, M.D. (Germany), J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., Barry Bricklin, Ph.D., Andrew J. Chambers, J.D., Arantxa Coca Vila (Spain), Gagan Dhaliwal, M.D., Benoit van Dieren, Ph.D. (Belgium), Christian T. Dum, Ph.D. (Germany), John E. Dunne, M.D., Robert A. Evans, Ph.D., Robert Bruce Fane, Ed.D., Bradley W. Freeman, M.D., Prof. Guglielmo Gulotta (Italy), Anja Hannuniemi, LL.Lic. (Finland), Lena Hellblom Sjögren, Ph.D. (Sweden), Larry Hellmann, J.D., Steve Herman, Ph.D., Adolfo Jarne Esparcia, Ph.D. (Spain), Allan M. Josephson, M.D., Joseph Kenan, M.D., Ursula Kodjoe, M.A. (Germany), Douglas A. Kramer, M.D., M.S., Ken Lewis, Ph.D., Moira Liberatore, Psy.D. (Italy), Demosthenes Lorandos, Ph.D., J.D., Ludwig F. Lowenstein, Ph.D. (United Kingdom), Domènec Luengo Ballester, Ph.D. (Spain), Jayne A. Major, Ph.D., Eric G. Mart, Ph.D., Kim Masters, M.D., David McMillan, Ph.D., John E. Meeks, M.D., Steven G. Miller, M.D., Martha J. Morelock, Ph.D., Stephen L. Morrison, Ph.D., Wade Myers, M.D., Olga Odinetz, Ph.D. (France), Jeff Opperman, S. Richard Sauber, Ph.D., Thomas E. Schacht, Psy.D., Jesse Shaver, Ph.D., M.D., Bela Sood, M.D., Richard K. Stephens, Julie Lounds Taylor, Ph.D., Asunción Tejedor Huerta, Ph.D. (Spain), Hubert Van Gijseghem, Ph.D. (Canada), James S. Walker, Ph.D., Randy Warren, J.D., Monty N. Weinstein, Psy.D., Katie Wilson, M.D., and Abe Worenklein, Ph.D. (Canada).

In any event, radio is becoming a big fan of parental alienation and our book, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation. I was on two shows this week talking about parental alienation and the book.

The first appearance was on Family Law Radio with Barry Kilgore on April 19. Family Law Radio is a nationally syndicated program carried on KSEV AM in Houston Texas.  

The second appearance was on Dads on the Air, a show originating from Sydney, Australia. Dads on the Air is billed as the most successful community radio program in Australia. I was a guest on this program either April 20 or 21 — the exact date depends on which side of the International Date Line you happened to be listening from.  Here is a link to the show –http://www.dadsontheair.net/shows/Dads_on_the_Air_2009-04-21.mp3.

We’re putting recordings of both programs on the Family’s Heartbreak Resource page. Tune in at your convenience and listen to us discuss parental alienation and answer questions from listeners.

Don’t have flash installed on your computer? You can get it here.

A recent newspaper article out of Toronto reports that during the past two months alone, an Ontario Superior Court judge and a British Columbia Supreme Court judge ruled in both cases that the parent who embarked on a “campaign of vengefulness” toward the other parent must relinquish any custodial or visitation rights of his or her child for at least a period of about one year.

In the British Columbia case, which wrapped up last week, Justice Donna Martinson ruled that the mother had been “resourceful, highly manipulative, and untruthful” and upheld the court’s previous decision to grant sole custody to the targeted father. According to court documents, the mother “undermined” the child’s relationship with her therapist, breached an earlier court order by sneaking inappropriate messages to the child through a birthday card, taunted the child with pictures of the dog she left behind upon moving in with her father, and accused the father of abuse – as many alienating parents do.

And in the Ontario case, the judge recommended the targeted parent and his daughter attend a four-day Dallas-based Family Workshop in Parental Alienation that some opponents liken to a “deprogramming” centre.

The paper further reported that between 1987 and January 31, 2009, there have been roughly 74 cases in which Canada’s courts acknowledged parental alienation in its decision, according to research presented at the International Conference of Parental Alienation by Gene Colman, a Toronto lawyer.