November 28th, 2010
The holidays are an especially difficult time for alienated parents. Despite all the holiday cheer, alienated parents can’t help but focus on the children who won’t visit, call or say thank you for a gift. In these emotionally challenging times, support from other parents who understand the pain and heartbreak of parental alienation is especially important.
Two online Yahoo groups, PASParents and Parents Against Parental Alienation (PAPA), provide alienated parents with a virtual community of support and empathy. There are also countless Facebook groups devoted to parental alienation support. Yet for some parents, nothing takes the place of old fashioned face-to-face communication with people who have walked in their shoes. There are some face-to-face parental alienation support groups listed on the Resources page of this site.
If you don’t have a parental alienation support group in your area and would like to start one, here are a few tips we believe you’ll find useful:
- Attracting Members – You want to attract people with shared experiences and a common goal. A good way to do this is to advertise your group’s purpose in a local newspaper, public place, or on a local Internet site. Many radio and television stations will run community service commercials for free during non-peak listening and viewing times. The goal is to attract people who share similar parental alienation experiences.
- Screening Potential Members – It is important to make sure participants are appropriate for the group. A short interview where you review the group’ goals and ask the individual questions about his or her expectations of the group process should help you decide if the person is a good fit.
- Setting up the Group — A good size for a group is between 10 and 15 people. At this size everyone should have an opportunity to participate in a 60 or 90 minute session.
- Establishing Rules — Who talks when? Any topic off limits? What is the procedure for asking someone to leave the group? While you can’t possibly address every potential scenario in advance, it is important to establish group rules up front and clearly communicate the rules to all members before the first session.
- Selecting a Moderator — You may have started your group, but you may not be the best person to act as moderator. An effective group will need someone who is a skilled facilitator. The moderator is the person to enforce group rules objectively, keep everyone moving in the right direction, manage the time, and make sure all group members have a chance to benefit. The moderator should also be a little detached from the rest of the group — someone who has accepted and moved on from the initial pain of his or her situation and can keep the focus on members who need lots of support, empathy or suggestions.
- Building in Feedback Mechanisms — Feedback mechanisms are essential for improving the group process and ensuring the best possible outcomes. Whether the feedback consists of periodic informal conversations or an anonymous survey, be sure to have a process in place so group members can share their perspectives on how things are going and you can determine whether or not the group is meeting its goals.
- Notifying A Family’s Heartbreak.com – Once you form your group, be sure to let us know so we can add it to the Resources page of this site.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, coping, Depression, divorce, Parental Alienation, Parents Against Parental Alienation, PASParents, Stress, Support Groups
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Depression, Facebook, Parental Alienation, Support Groups, coping | 2 Comments »
November 15th, 2010
Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, will be the guest host on the internet radio program Family Matters on Wednesday, November 17 at 7:00 p.m. EST. Jeffries’ guest will be Dr. J. Michael Bone, parental alienation expert and consultant.
Family Matters is a show dedicated to discussing parental alienation, a destructive family dynamic affecting countless children, parents and extended family members every year.
“I’m looking forward to asking Dr. Bone about many of the developments he has seen over the years with respect to how parental alienation is perceived in the courts and among mental health professionals,” Jeffries said. “His article, Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It was one of the earliest and most concise, easy-to-understand descriptions of what I was going through with my family.”
Jeffries is sitting in for regular host, author and Parental Alienation Awareness Organization President Jill Egizii. “I’m used to being interviewed, so it will be fun to ask the questions for a change,” he added.
Family Matters can be heard at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/syndicatednews/2010/11/18/family-matters–hosted-by-michael-jeffries-author-. The call-in phone number is 347-539-5024.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Choosing between Mom and Dad, Dr. J. Michael Bone, Jill Egizii, Media, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Appearances, Blog talk radio, Co-parenting, Family Matters, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, Uncategorized, coping, divorce | No Comments »
October 30th, 2010
Parental alienation professionals and advocates attended the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) annual meeting in New York City this week to discuss alienation with many of the 4,700 psychiatrists and physicians in attendence and explain why parental alienation belongs in the next edition of the profession’s DSM.
Dr.William Bernet, a professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine and the primary author of Parental Alienation DSM-5 and ICD-11, presented at the meeting and the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) raised awareness of alienation in an exhibit hall booth. The PAAO exhibit featured books, DVDs and volunteers to discuss parental alienation with conference attendees. PAAO President Jill Egizii, PAAO Vice President Robert Samery, Dr. Amy Baker, and Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, were all on hand to pass out literature and talk about alienation with mental health professionals from around the world.
Also attending the conference were members of the DSM Review Board — the professionals who will decide whether or not parental alienation is included in the next edition of the DSM. Bernet indicated that the Review Board is still considering alienation for inclusion in the updated diagnostic manual. The DSM-5 is scheduled for release in 2013.
Jeffries observed that while some professionals had never heard of alienation, many others were familiar with the family dynamic. Still other professionals saw alienation in their practices without realizing the behaviors had a name. ”The conversations were all over the map,” Jeffries said. “Some attendees wanted to talk about their cases. Other professionals wanted to discuss under what category the DSM-5 could potentially list parental alienation. One psychiatrist was even looking for guidance on who should receive the diagnostic code — the alienating parent, the targeted parent, or the child.”
Not every person who stopped by the PAAO booth wanted to see parental alienation in the DSM-5. “There was one psychiatrist who made it clear he didn’t believe in parental alieantion but he never actually completed a sentence or allowed me to complete one,” Jeffries said. “He said ‘parental alienation is a diagnosis in search of a…’ and then his voice trailed off. When I tried to say something positive, he cut me off with another incomplete, negative comment. Then he did it a third time. I finally told him to enjoy the rest of the conference. With 4,700 open-minded, articulate professionals to talk to there was no need to waste time on him.”
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, AACAP, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Choosing between Mom and Dad, Dr. William Bernet, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, Parental Alienation DSM-5 and ICD-11
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Advocacy, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Appearances, Co-parenting, DSM-5 and ICD-11, DSM-V, Divorce and healing, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, coping, divorce | 8 Comments »
October 20th, 2010
In a week when The Dr. Phil Show features bad parenting by the anti-June and Ward Cleaver in its parental alienation-themed show today, it is worth mentioning that Barbara Billingsley, the actress who played the iconic television Mom June Cleaver on Leave it to Beaver, died recently in California. She was 94 years old.
According to Jill Egizii, President of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) and a guest on The Dr. Phil Show, the parents in the family Dr. Phil selected for the program do not co-parent effectively and their poor co-parenting could ultimately result in parental alienation. While Dr. Phil spent most of the program urging the parents to improve their parenting and communication skills, Egizii said she highlighted the affects of parental alienation on children and the PAAO’s work at the end of the program.
Parents and extended family members, as well as legal and mental health professionals, should go to The Dr. Phil Show website at http://www.drphil.com after the episode airs and encourage Dr. Phil and his producers to do programs focused solely on parental alienation. Episodes that explain what drives an alienating parent to damage, and in some cases destroy, his or her child’s relationship with the child’s other parent, and episodes that explore how professionals can legally and therapeutically address alienation, will help families avoid this destructive family dynamic.
If the parents on The Dr. Phil Show are the anti-June and Ward Cleaver, than June and Ward should be the anti-parental alienation parents. In our latest blog post for Basil & Spice at http://www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/category/jeffries-mike, we highlight what divorcing parents can learn from Wally and Beaver’s Mom and Dad – even if they are just fictional characters on a 50-year old television show.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Barbara Billingsley, Basil & Spice, Choosing between Mom and Dad, Jill Egizii, Leave it to Beaver, Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, The Dr. Phil Show
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Advocacy, Basil & Spice, Co-parenting, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, Televison | No Comments »
October 11th, 2010
Some mental health professionals and religious leaders empower parental alienation according to Dr. Abe Worenklein, a professor at Dawson College in Montreal.
Worenklein made his comments at the recent Canadian Symposium on Parental Alienation Syndrome in New York City. The conference drew approximately 200 parents, legal and mental health professional interested in helping parents and children maintain normal, healthy relationships after divorce or separation.
“Sometimes mental health professionals who do not know how to interview parents and children and are unfamiliar with the themes of the alienating parent acutally end up empowering the children and reinforcing the parent’s position,” Worenklein said. “Furthermore, some religious leaders may focus on the parents’ degree of religiosity when telling one parent to limit the less-observant parent’s time with the children.”
Worenklein explained that the themes of the alienating parent are the words and actions a parent uses to damage, and in some cases destroy, the child’s previously normal relationship with his or her other parent. Some of the themes include:
- Denying the existence of the other parent by never talking about him or her, destroying photos of the parent, changing the subject when the child mentions the parent, or not relaying the parent’s messages to the child.
- Putting the child in the middle by asking him or her to spy on the other parent, remove possessions or take important papers from the parent and child’s home.
- Attacking the parent’s career, interests, hobbies and family.
- Saying things like, “I just don’t know what’s wrong with your mother/father.”
- Threatening to withhold love or acceptance from child.
- Scaring the child into believing the other parent isn’t capable of taking care of him or her.
- Creating a new reality for the child that excludes his or her relationship with the other parent.
Worenklein told conference attendees how professionals can use different interview techniques to identify these themes. ”Dr. Worenklein pointed out that asking a young child at the beginning of an interview if the child has anything he or she was supposed to tell the professional is a great way at getting at the child’s rehearsed or programmed answers,” said Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation and a conference attendee. “This not only allows the professional to see if the child’s answers were programmed, but after fulfilling his or her obligation to the alienating parent the child can relax and participate much more honestly in the interview,” Jeffries added.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Canadian Symposium on Parental Alienation, Choosing between Mom and Dad, Dr. Abe Worenklein, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Canadian Sympoium on Parental Alienation, Co-parenting, Dr. Abe Worenklein, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Relationships, divorce | 4 Comments »
October 4th, 2010
“Approximately one percent of all children in the United States experience some form of parental alienation.”
That statement from Dr. William Bernet, a professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, was one of the many eye-opening insights from the recent Canadian Symposium on Parental Alienation in New York City. Bernet was the symposium’s keynote speaker.
Approximately 2oo parents, legal and mental health professionals attended the conference to learn more about parental alienation and how to address the family dynamic both legally and therapeutically.
“I really wish parental alienation critics would have attended the conference,” said Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation and a conference attendee. “There is no way anyone could have listened to the legal and mental health professionals at the conference and not concluded that parental alienation is a legitimate mental health issue that deserves to be included in the next edition of the DSM. In addition, the alienated mothers and fathers at the conference would have dispelled any myths about parental alienation being nothing more than an abusive parent’s legal strategy,” Jeffries added.
In his remarks Bernet explained that DSM editors can select one of three ways to include parental alienation in the upcoming 2013 edition — as a mental disorder, relational problem or as part of the appendix for further study. “Inclusion as a relational problem or as part of the appendix has not been discussed yet,” he said.
Bernet is the primary author of Parental Alienation, DSM-5 and ICD-11 — the published version of the proposal Bernet and 70 other contributing professionals submitted to the DSM Review Committee.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Canadian Symposium on Parental Alienation, Dr. William Bernet, DSM, DSM-5 and ICD-11, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Canadian Sympoium on Parental Alienation, DSM-5 and ICD-11, DSM-V, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation | 3 Comments »
September 26th, 2010
Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, will join Gianni Hayes on her New World Order Disorder radio program at www.americanvoiceradio.com on Wednesday, September 29 at 8:00 p.m. EST.
“The Canadian Symposium on Parental Alienation is October 2-3 in New York City and interest in parental alienation couldn’t be higher,” Jeffries said. “I can’t think of a better way to get ready for the conference than talking with Gianni and her world-wide audience about alienation and A Family’s Heartbreak.
Hayes is a prolific author, with 14 novel and non-fiction books, plus hundreds of articles to her credit. She has appeared in Woman’s Day, Redbook, US, People, Brides, Parade and Writers Digest.
Listeners can talk to Jeffries and Hayes by dialing 1-800-596-8191.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, America Voice Radio, Canadian Symposium on Parental Alienation, Choosing between Mom and Dad, coping, Gianni Hayes, Media, Media Appearances, Mike Jeffries, New World Order Disorder, Parental Alienation, Relationships
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Appearances, Canadian Sympoium on Parental Alienation, Divorce and healing, Gianni Hayes, Mike Jeffries, New World Order Disorder, Parental Alienation, Relationships, divorce | No Comments »
September 22nd, 2010
Poin.til.lism (noun): a late 19th-century style of painting in which a picture is constructed from dots of pure color that blend, at a distance, into recognizable shapes and various color tones.
Let’s give credit to Attorney David Pisarra of www.mensfamilylaw.com for describing parental alienation both beautifully and accurately. In his recent review of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, Pisarra compared parental alienation to the style of painting made famous by French painter Georges Seurat.
“Parental alienation is a series of seemingly innocent miscommunication, or concerns for the well-being of a child; and it is only when the dots are connected that you see the complete picture,” Pisarra said in his review.
Pisarra also said A Family’s Heartbreak should be required reading for anyone involved in parental alienation cases. “For every man who is enduring this hell, for every lawyer who fights this form of child abuse, and for all the therapists who have to treat the collaterally damaged children, this book should be a first resource in their armament,” he said.
You can find Attorney Pisarra’s complete review of A Family’s Heartbreak at http://mensfamilylaw.wordpress.com/2010/09/22/a-pointillist-view-of-parental-alienation-one-fathers-experience/.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Attorney David Pisarra, Book Review, Choosing between Mom and Dad, coping, Dr. Joel Davies, Men's Family Law, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Relationships, reviews
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Book Reviews, David Pisarra, Divorce and healing, Dr. Joel Davies, Men's Family Law, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Relationships, divorce | No Comments »
September 9th, 2010
Wanted: Popular television program seeks one parental alienation family — including alienating parent, targeted parent and alienated child — to reunite in front of a national television audience. No experience necessary. Dramatic presentation skills preferred. Responsibilities include condensing years of acrimony and mistrust into easy-to-understand sound bites that fit between commercials, following the advice of a person you’ve just met, and participating in post-show counseling that Courts have previously ordered and you’ve avoided. Compensation is non-existent, travel expenses are paid. To apply contact The Dr. Phil Show.
Yes, The Dr. Phil Show is doing another show on parental alienation and Dr. Phil’s producers are frantically searching for a parental alienation family willing to appear on the program. While many targeted parents want to believe that Dr. Phil can reunite them with their children after the Courts, family members, friends and full-time mental health professionals couldn’t, Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, uses his latest Basil & Spice blog at http://www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/category/jeffries-mike to point out that television can’t script a happily-ever-after ending to parental alienation.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Basil & Spice, Choosing between Mom and Dad, Dr. Phil, Media, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, The Dr. Phil Show
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Basil & Spice, Co-parenting, Facebook, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation, Relationships, Televison, coping, divorce | 4 Comments »
August 30th, 2010
Targeted parents often write www.afamilysheartbreak.com and ask how they can transition from alienated parent to alienation advocate. These brave parents are typically powerless over their own situations, yet want to help other families avoid the heartbreak that they’ve experienced.
As Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation said at D.C. Rally Fest 2010 last month (Part I and Part II), we can all apply our unique skills to parental alienation advocacy. “If you can write, write about parental alienation. If you can sell, sell the idea that parental alienation is a problem that needs fixing. If you design buildings or corporate strategies, apply the same problem solving skills you use at work to parental alienation,” Jeffries said. ”The key to becoming an effective advocate is to move past your personal pain and approach parental alienation advocacy work objectively,” he added.
Even if you are not a writer, salesperson, engineer or corporate strategist, you can help raise awareness of parental alienation by sharing A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, or any parental alienation book, with others. For example, you can:
Give a book to a friend, even a stranger, as a gift.
Ask your local library to order a book.
If you have a web site or blog, consider writing something about a book you’ve read, and how the book helped you.
Write a book review for your local paper or favorite web site. Ask your favorite radio show to book the author as a guest.
If you own a shop or business, consider putting a display of books on your counter to resell to customers.
Buy books and donate them to homeless shelters, prisons, rehabilitation and group homes.
If you are a pursuing a degree in psychology, counseling, social work or any mental health field, ask your professors to incorporate parental alienation into their course overviews and put parental alienation books on their reading lists.
Sometimes, the best idea is so obvious you have to laugh. A targeted parent once called us desperate to educate the public about parental alienation. He was very passionate about doing something, but he rejected each idea we suggested. Finally, out of ideas, we changed the subject.
“What do you do for a living,” we asked?
“I’m a movie producer,” he responded.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Advocacy, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation
Posted in A Family's Heartbreak, Advocacy, Family Preservation D.C. Rally Fest 2010, Mike Jeffries, Parental Alienation | 1 Comment »
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