In A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, there’s a story about my alienated son refusing to attend a New York Yankees baseball game because, well, he was alienated.
His rejection that night hit me especially hard because the New York Yankees and Yankee Stadium is something my Dad shared with me, and something I wanted to share with my sons. Dad took me to my first Yankees’ game at the pre-renovated ”old” stadium in the 1960s. I wanted to give my sons the same fond memories of attending a game with their Dad that my Dad gave me.
George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, died today. The Boss’ death comes two days after the death of long-time Yankee Stadium public address announcer Bob Sheppard. The House that Ruth Built is also gone – replaced last year by a “new” Yankee Stadium.
As alienated parents we often think of our children as if time stands still. We picture them as they looked the last time we were together. In our minds, they have the same friends and interests too. We’re well aware that months, and even years, have passed since we’ve seen them, but a small part of us wants to believe that one day we can pick up right where we left off.
Father Time constantly reminds us that nothing stays the same. Today George Steinbrenner entered the ranks of Yankees mythology. We’ll talk about him in the past tense — just like we talk about Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio and Mantle. Maybe one day I’ll attend a game with my son and tell him how I was sitting in the stands at the Old Timer’s Game when George brought Billy back, but it won’t be the same. The Boss is gone. The old stadium is gone. My son’s childhood is gone. Time marches on.
Tags: A Family's Heartbreak, Add new tag, Babe Ruth, Billy Martin, Bob Sheppard, George Steinbrenner, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, New York Yankees, Parental Alienation, Yankee Stadium
Sometimes, if we are really lucky, this internet technology will permit us access to dialogue and even pictures of our kids…as they are now. I remember when I finally lucked out with Google, and found my child’s completely open blog, learning about her life, her likes and dislikes, her marriage, and the birth of her child. It was a highly emotional experience to “catch up” and “catch a glimpse” of the woman my daughter had become. And even if I was pussled, wasn’t too keen or happy about what I learned, I was extremely grateful that I gained a more realistic glimpse of this person who had dwelled in my heart for so long.
She blocked me when she found out I had found her, but for that bit of time two years ago, I learned, adjusted, to how she had “grown upZ” And every now and then, I try again, stretching out the ‘net, to try and find her once again. This old lady is so grateful for this modern technology.
This Sept my younger of 2 daughters will turn 21 (the older is 25 and totally brainwashed against seeing me) after 12 yrs of total and absolute estrangement from me. It actually all started 16 yrs ago but it took their mother 4 yrs to pull them totally out of my via the courts ($ buys many things). Her turning 21 is a watershed because at that point I can contact or pursue them both without the mother having any real ability (except for maybe more crazy accusations) to impact it legally.
It is an exciting moment to think of that upcoming bDay — yet it also brings a great dispair – affirmation that I missed their childhoods and that will never ever be recovered, neither for me or for the children.
Life can be cruel and hard – never could I have dreamt in my wildest imagination my life could follow this path. My goals were always modest and basic – get a solid education, a good job, work hard have a family and enjoy the process of it all best I could. Now I know life demands much stronger goals and some great perseverance at times – stealing away someones children is likely stealing a piece of their life. But time can bring magic – today that is what I hope for, that my daughters may grasp truth and reality one day before everything has past.
The posting reminded me of how I have tried to get my son to bring his son to NYC, so I could take him around the Museum of Natural History, as my father did with his father. I have 2 grandchildren from that son that I have not seen in 3 years and I am afraid I will lose their childhood just as I lost the childhood of my adult grandchild. My adult grandchild who calls his grandfather’s third wife, grandma and I met for an hour over coffee in Starbucks when he was in NYC to interview for med school. He spent our whole time together texting and consulting his cell although we had not seen each other in at least 5 years. He said: “see you soon”, when I saw him off in a cab with his mother and I haven’t seen him or talked to him since some 9 months ago, so its da ja vu all over again. I learned he came into the city with his girlfriend, but I was not invited to meet her. The heartbreak never stops and it’s all I can do not to get depressed as they don’t visit and any visit to them gets interferred with by the other parent needing something or getting sick o whatever. I’m glad there is a name for this because I thought I was alone.